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Reel Advice, by Steve Anderson
Dark Harvest
DVD
*
Jeanie Cheek
Jessica Dunphy
R
90 min
You know, I always have to wonder about a movie that's opening screen is really
nothing more than the box art. I've seen some truly creative opening menus,
Jeepers Creepers 2 foremost among them, but I always have to wonder about a
movie that can't get any more imaginative than to use its box art.
Dark Harvest, from prolific releaser Lions Gate Home Entertainment, starts off
surprisingly well...and accurately. Black-and-white pictures, newspaper shots,
and a voiceover of Franklin Roosevelt discussing the Dust Bowl in the heartland.
Carson County, West Virginia, is in the midst of a drought itself. But on one
farm, things are doing surprisingly well. The corn is high and green, all's
well on this farm. Except the farm's owner seems to be having some trouble with
the law...as we discover how his fields are doing so well. Seems this farmer
irrigates his fields with human blood, and leaves the dessicated corpses hang as
scarecrows in his field. Justice comes to end his reign of agrarian terror, but
not before he kills the local sheriff.
Fast forward a few dozen years to the always amorphous time period known as "the
present." Our blood-soaked farmer had a son, and now that the elder is dead,
the son, Connell, has been deeded the family farm. You know, the one soaked in
blood?
I can see this kid now, "Jeepers, pop! Thanks for leaving me the farm where you
killed a whole bunch of people to use as dry wells!"
Our boy shows some sense. He has zero plan to go to see the house and land,
believing it best to "let sleeping dogs lie." But, of course, we can't very
well do that or else there would be no movie. So Connell's girlfriend wheedles
him into going, and inviting their friends.
Connell, you dumb SCHMUCK.
So, here we go...off to set up the same horror movie we've all seen a dozen
times. Right down to the same old shopkeep warning the party of college-age
kids about the evils of whereever it is they're going.
Something original better happen here, and soon, or else Lion's Gate is gonna
hate this review.
One of Connell's neighbors, Maggie, gives us the entire backstory and tells
Connell that he'd do well to leave before "this came full circle." Connell, of
course, pays no attention, and when he turns his back and looks back, Maggie's
no longer there. Somehow, this woman, who looks like a badly-baked loaf of
bread and must weigh a conservative estimate of two hundred eighty pounds, has
vanished in the space of bare seconds.
What's next? The BARN suddenly vanishes? Just as likely!
Ah, but not only is our farmer friend irrigating his field with blood, he's also
made a...wait for it...DEAL WITH THE DEVIL!
Wow. This movie's got more cliches per square inch than the last Republican
party rally.
Ironically, folks...irrigating a field with blood would never work. Human blood
contains several trace ingredients, not least of them salt. Spray salt over a
field of corn and you may as well set fire to it.
But better yet, one of our little body-counts-to-be has a strange feeling that
the scarecrows are a little upwardly mobile...and getting closer to the house.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've done it. The scarecrows are officially revolting,
and they've killed the lesbian.
With a sickle.
This movie's percentage of original content is now measurable with single
digits.
And you know, every time I see these scarecrows wander around I'm filled with an
irresistable compulsion to whistle "Turkey in the Straw." Perhaps it's a
commentary on how utterly LUDICROUS I find these poor dumb things, but
hey...what can you do?
And then, finally, this poor excuse for a movie ends. And it ends in a manner
so insulting that you'll wish you hadn't seen it. It's a CLIP SHOW ending,
giving you a montage of scenes you just finished watching not less than an hour
and a half ago, with the voiceover of constant screaming.
We get, among other things in our extras, some blooper footage which is almost
as bad as the movie itself was. We also get ENGLISH subtitles for a change, as
well as trailers for "Dark Harvest," "The Punisher," "Godsend," "Nine Lives",
"Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed," "SICK", and "Serial Killing 101".
If only they'd put as much thought and effort into the movie....
So, all in all, Dark Harvest is yet another predictable hack-n-slay with
predictable characters, predictable villains and predictable reaction from the
audience. Yawning, and a vague sensation that they just wasted three dollars
and an hour and a half.
---------------------- In the end, it's worth doing
I recently received an e-mail from David Wright, who writes and draws Todd and Penguin. After asking his permission, I'm posting the e-mail on Tangents.
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Thank you very much. I just now saw that you emailed me, though I did see the link in the chatbox. I appreciate the nice words! I saw that you wrote of the comic again, I'm honored that you were moved to draw again.
Man, this month wiped me out. I was in the middle of moving into a new house, a loved one was diagnosed with cancer, and my job position changed to add 6 times more work, which is not humanly possible, but I've no choice but to attempt. So about halfway through this storyline, when people started knocking the comic, it was really hard to keep it going. I know it didn't come off as well as I dreamed it would, I probably should have written it out fully in advance, something so large, and edited it down some, teased more in the early parts, but time was just not on my side.
I'm glad, though, that some people, like yourself got what I was trying to do, and I appreciate it.
thanks for the words, particularly the honesty in not holding back that you were going to give up on the story. I appreciate the honesty and any constructive feedback.
speaking of nice words, I really enjoy the job you are doing with the site. I am glad to see more comic critiquing done in this fashion. For someone like me, who is not really plugged into the webcomic scene, (I don't have the time to read many) I like to read about them, and every now and then am compelled to try something new from the reviews.
I think one of the things that intimidates readers, at least me, is that they have no knowledge of the
comic's history and don't really want to start off in the middle with no knowledge. Sites like yours and Websnark are like a good friend, making reccomendations, telling me a bit about the comic, enticing me to read. Very cool and well executed!
take care,
dave
www.toddandpenguin.com
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This e-mail reminded me of my time as a creator... and how vulnerable it makes you feel. I've tried as a critic to emphasize the positive even if I'm pointing out parts that I'm unhappy with (especially with CRfH - I've noticed that I've been rather critical of several points about the comic, which surprises me with each review. I consider CRfH to be one of several comics I consider my all-time favorites... and yet I've no qualms about pointing out perceived problems).
It can be discouraging at times being in the middle of something and getting several comments about how the story isn't working or that they miss the light-hearted stories of earlier times. As a fan (and a critic) I realize that there is a line between constructive criticism and constrictive criticism. We fans are not in control of the story. The artist is. A lot of work goes into these comics, and more than one person has been dissuaded from telling their stories because of overzealous fans telling them what they can or cannot do.
And yes, I see the irony in a critic cautioning on writing criticism... but the important thing to remember is that we're not telling the story here. We might not like the story... and there is nothing wrong with admitting you don't like the story and the reasons why. Or what flaws you've sensed and maybe a way or two to deal with the flaw.
*chuckle* I don't know. Not really. I stumble with this every time I write a review and critique a piece. But Dave's letter let me know that I am doing something right, at least. Just as my review let him know that he was doing something right. *smile*
And that makes it all worthwhile.
Robert A. Howard
------------------------- Sure, the view is great, but I'd hate having to climb up the ladder each day...
 (From Eversummer Eve. Click on image to see full-sized image within the next two weeks. Otherwise you need a subscription to Wirepop.com to view.)
Eversummer Eve is another comic I came to thanks to Flipside. Unfortunately, it's part of Wirepop.com, and you can only read the last two pages without a subscription to it. Having read most of the story, I'm far too cheap to actually spend the money to subscribe. Hell, I never renewed my subscription to Keenspot Premium (well, lack of finances was also to blame for that *chuckle*).
However, if you're thinking of subscribing to Wirepop.com, or even just want to spend the $2.95 for a month to read through the archives of this comic (or of the other 20-odd comics found at Wirepop), then I definitely have to recommend Eversummer Eve.
The comic started out in the "real" world and concerned Libra Juliano and her encounter with Griffin McBride, a young man who ended up in some mischief that honestly I only vaguely remember, it's been several years. *laughter* However, I was quickly drawn into the anime-esque artwork, and the compelling storyline which included a shape shifted Dragon, elves, a witch (Libra), and Alasdair McBride, a young man who'd been cursed and was searching for a way to free himself... and blamed his younger brother for his condition.
Recently, however, we've taken a turn for the twistier, and most of the cast has been swept through a portal into the Faerie Realms, separated from each other, and flung to varied parts of this strange and mystical world where human physics is more of a suggestion, instead of the rule. Today's strip is a fine example of that, with a sailing ship floating up in the clouds above a city. (Ever notice that the poor victims to be transported into a fantasy realm are more often those who'd be wide-eyed and amazed by it, instead of us older fantasy cynics who'd glance up, snicker, and then start pondering why it's not falling to the ground and crashing to bits? *evil grin* Ah well, guess it's just me...)
The thing is, I know our wayward heroes are on their way to being reunited. I can also guess at the eventual showdown between the dragon currently trapped on Earth and our four heroes. But the journey there... that is still a mystery, and a delightful one at that. The comic updates Mondays, so if you're the impatient sort who doesn't like waiting... well, you might want to wait a few years for the comic to end (if it does). Otherwise, come on over. The last two pages are free to view, and you can decide if the comic is for you... or even if you want to jump in now without knowing all of what's going on.
And hey, it's only $2.95 for a month's reading. It's a good price, even if you're cheap, like me. *grin*
Robert A. Howard
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