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Foreword: Rob here. I wrote up the first rant against the "Burger King" because let's face it, it's creepy and unnerving. However, I've not had the misfortune (yet) to view the latest commercial, with the King facing down Vader. But it deserves to be tangented, and Steve was more than willing to pick this up for me. Enjoy!
The King and the Sith Lord. Or, Why?!
By Steve Anderson, the Video Store Guy
So I don't know if you've been subjected to the enormous wreckage that is the newest Burger King commercial, but man, is it a wonder.
Burger King and Star Wars have gone together like a steady diet of Whoppers and heart disease since, well, since George Lucas first ripped off a samurai movie and gave us "A New Hope."
Of course, in many cases, the new hope was that it wouldn't devolve into a festival of teddy bears and licensed characters. By the time we got Ewoks and Jar-Jar Binks, our "new hope" was pretty much gone like the last pretzel at an all-Hutt buffet.
But anyway, Burger King has allowed its truly disturbing ceramic-headed mascot, the King, to face down Darth Vader in what promises to be a commercial that will do nothing but alarm you.
Picture this...the King, features flawlessly immobile, stares at Darth Vader, features permanently hidden, in the midst of what looks like the bowels of Cloud City a la "Empire." And the two immobile featured lumps of disturbing engage in a staring contest. Breathing at each other. Audibly. For thirty seconds.
Wow.
I just don't know what to say here.
Actually, I do...it involves me screaming my throat raw with profanities for about three straight minutes.
As though these commercials weren't ludicrous enough, along comes this newest wonderment from Burger King.
Frankly, I wished for nothing more than to hear the familiar "vvvvwhuummmm" of Vader's pink lightsaber emerge in the background, and let that horrible, horrible head go bouncing down the futuristic hallway.
Oh, but such is not to be for us poor folk, gentle readers.
We will likely be subject to the head of the Burger King for many months to come.
I never thought I'd see the day when I wish the Taco Bell dog would make a comeback. By comparison, it's a masterpiece.
Yo quiero not watching stupid commercials.
----------------------------------- It's a brunette Jodie!
 (From Loserz. Click on image to see full-sized image. Warning, site does contain obscene language and adult situations.)
I'm not entirely sure why I enjoy Loserz so
much. To be honest, my high school experience was not
enjoyable. I was bullied, antagonized, and alone for
much of it. Even once I somehow went through the far
side of geekdom and somehow became popular (at least,
the younger kids thought I was cool, which absolutely
shocked me when I found out), I had no idea how to
leave the prison of self-hatred that had arisen from
my "collegues" persecution.
(Perhaps this is why college is such a nirvana for
geekdom. Sure, the jocks still rule supreme, but it's
much easier to avoid them, especially as a commuter
student, and many more outlets for more intelligent
but socially awkward people to grow. Besides, after a
couple of years of partying, the jocks flunk out and
the geeks smile, knowing that they will be the
bosses of the now-loser jocks because the geeks knew
where their priorities lay.)
Loserz is about three people primarily. Eric, Ben, and
Jodie. Eric suffers from the dual problems of being a
little heavy and being too smart for his own good.
Ben... well, he tries. And that's his problem. He
tries too hard and freaks and says stupid
things around girls (except, ironically enough, the
girl of his dreams, Jessica). Jodie... well, I'm not
exactly sure what Jodie's problem is. She's
attractive, she knows what to say and how to act...
but she also enjoys sex, a great deal, and doesn't see
the problem with sleeping around.
(Off on another tangent here, why is it that when a
man goes and sleeps with multiple women that he's held
up as a "stud" and "awesome" and all of that bull, but
when a girl sleeps with multiple partners,
she's a "slut" and a "whore" and some words even worse
than that. This isn't just other women who say this...
quite a few men who would sleep with her will just
turn around afterward and say the most wretched things
behind her back. Why is it good when a guy does it...
but bad when a girl does? It's a pathetic
double-standard.)
Erik Schoenek recently started the gang on summer
vacation (the last summer vacation, really - they'll
be seniors (assuming they graduate) next year and then
it's off to college or finding dead-end jobs to do in
the private sector because their grades weren't good
enough) and split them up. Eric and Jodie
stayed behind, but until recently Eric's been busy
with his girlfriend, leaving Jodie at wit's end with
no one to hang out with. (Well, until Eric broke up
with her, because of Jodie. But I tangented about that
already.) Ben has been kidnapped by his folks and is
on that most dreaded of events: a family summer
vacation.
Think back on your own family vacations. Here you are
planning on hanging out with your friends, maybe
getting a summer job or somesuch... and your folks
uproot you, toss your plans out the window, and drag
you around everywhere as they go camping and the like.
More than half the time the vacation is a total bust
and the only ones having fun are your folks, and
that's because they don't want to admit that the
vacation is a bust and they should have saved
up to go to Disney or somesuch. Even when you're a
teenager, parents never just let you wander off alone,
so even if you find something interesting to do, you
can't do it for long because your folks will get bored
and want to go elsewhere.
Needless to say, Ben's vacation wasn't going that
great. Until, at least, he met Roxy. I mean, here's a
girl who is as socially inept as him, who's cute, and
a bit like a brunette Jodie. Hell, she even enjoys
video games! And she also understands that vacationing
with your folks is not that much fun, even if
you meet up with cute girls while there that you just
instantly click with.
Today's Loserz sort of is why I like this
comic. It's a testimate to the teenage counterculture
found today (and, despite today's youth protesting
this, so similar (at the roots at least) to teenage
counterculture 20 and 40 years ago). And it's
also nice to see that Ben isn't phased at the least at
some jealous angry jerk shouting offensive things
toward a young lady, or the fact that this young lady
slept with several people in the same night. (Really,
I also understand the young man's ire. I mean, his
older brother, his best friend, and his (other)
ex-girlfriend? Ouch!)
And maybe I am liking Roxy so much because she
is like a long-lost sister for Jodie. They're
almost the same height, they've the same basic build,
and just... I don't know, feel similar,
somehow. I'm sure it's deliberate.
Oh well. Anyway, same warning as before. If you're
easily offended, don't like frequent cursing, sexual
situations, politically incorrect humor, and the
occasional attempt to out and out offend you,
then don't read this comic. Otherwise... it's quite
the ride. *smile*
Robert A. Howard
------------------------- I think so, Brain, but where will we get an oven big enough for elf-muffins?
 (From Elf Life. Click on image to see full-sized image.)
I'm really growing to enjoy the interaction between Val and Ryley. Of course we did have some hints at their friendship before, when Glee first encountered our two wayward faeries, but they continue to grow on me. Well, not literally. They're not fungus or anything. But in many ways they remind me of two other favorites, Pinky and the Brain.
Sure, Ryley's not trying to take over the world or anything, but she definitely acts like the brains of the duo. She came up with the plan to nab Baughb and created the fog-effect to let them sneak him off-stage (and away from the law-enforcement Troll), letting Val do the (relatively easy) task of getting Baughb himself. (I wonder though... was that because Val has modesty issues after all those centuries of dressing like an elf, or because Val's magical skills aren't as refined as Ryley's?)
Sadly, I can't surf the web to find out for sure, but I suspect that either Ryley or Val were the faerie child that appeared when the most powerful of the faeries told Glynhial of the upcoming Storms... and of her own impending doom trying to stop them. (Glee didn't take it well.) If so... then it's a nice touch, and shows that Carsonfire has been building this for quite some time.
I have no doubt that Filis will interrupt Baughb and our two faerie ladies little get-together, and they won't get Baughb off alone to tell the truth of who and what they are (if that's what they're intending... Val seems to think they're off to get Baughb in the sack. I'm unsure if that's Ryley's motive, however). It's a bit of a shame, too, as I'd love to see Baughb's reaction to finding a couple faerie survivors of the End Times.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing what's next, which shows that Carson's gotten back on track. Maybe every strip isn't hilarious... but they are well-crafted and telling an interesting story, and that's what I look for, more than gags and humor.
Robert A. Howard
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Addendum: M_Northstar has pointed out to me that the baby in the incident I mentioned above was in fact the elf, Filis, not one of the faeries. *shiftyeyes* Er, ee-whoops? Well, never let it be said that I don't make mistakes. *wry grin* And thanks to M_Northstar for revealing which strip it was so I could verify. *wistful smile* I enjoyed the old Elf Life. Though I never really read it when it went prose on us, it was a fascinating and intriguing storyline. As is the current one. *smile*
Rob
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