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George Lucas: Closet Furry?
by Steve Anderson
Hello o my readership! Welcome to the video store
guy's "I Didn't Have to Go to My Day Job Rant",
that's going to deal with a rather unsavory topic
that I have only circumstantial evidence for.
But it's funny.
So naturally, in the interest of journalistic
ethics...
...I'm going for it!
The ending of the Star Wars saga features a shitload
of wookies. That's right, those big walking dust
mops from the planet with more Y's in its name than
it has any right to have (I mean, come ON!
Kashyyyk?" What are they huffing at the Skywalker
Ranch?) are a big huge giant part of one of the worst
big huge giant letdowns of our generation, Revenge of
the Sith.
And we all know how the end of Rerun...uhhh...RETURN
of the Jedi turned out.
Wall to wall Ewoks.
In fact, the last half of that sucker was just jammed
to the gills with primitive, psychopathic teddy bears
who revered a droid who should have been melted down
for scrap back in "Empire." No one would ever accuse
the Ewoks of being overburdened with intelligence.
In fact, no one would accuse ANYONE in the Star Wars
saga of being overburdened with intelligence, but
that's another rant.
The point I'm driving at--and yes, there is one, so
shut up--is that there's at least some bit of
evidence to say that ole Lucas leans a little toward
the Yifftastic side of the Force.
Ewoks. Wookies. Jawas. Aqualish. Bantha. Those
ice monster things back on Hoth. The Star Wars
universe is jammed to the gills with shaggy, furry,
bipedal things of various sizes and shapes. And who
is running the Star Wars universe?
Well, duh, folks. It's George "Someone Get Me A
Kurosawa Flick--I Need A Shooting Script!" Lucas.
And sure, there's every possibility that I'm wrong.
I never claimed to be right.
Just funny.
And frankly, the possibility that that short little
scrub out in Cal-lee-forn-eye-ay is secretly keeping
his Ewok costumes for those long nights with call
girls is just too funny to pass up.
Reach your own conclusions, but I couldn't help but
go for it.
And remember, Reel Advice From the Video Store Guy,
more wrong fun that lets you get a good idea of what
movies you want to watch, appears here every Tuesday
along with whatever comics-based stuff Tangent
manages to slop out.
See you Tuesday!
----------------------------- Staff Meeting?
 (From Dominic Deegan. Click on image to see full-sized image.)
It's interesting what can happen in two weeks. In that time, Michael Terracciano has killed off two major villains, trapped a third in the same hell that a previous villain was stuck in (and we get to see that time has not treated him very well, if he even has enough of a mind left to torment), and also killed two of our heroes.
What is even more surprising (to me) is that I totally missed the fact that Dominic's leg was burned away below the knee in the same attack that eliminated my choice for the next major bad guy. And in a sense, equilibrium is restored to the comic.
Helixa is gone. Forever. So too is the second Infernomancer (Caylin Bren) who plagued Gregory and destroyed an entire town in his insane attempt to kill the youngest Deegan. In fact, the only villain to have escaped is Jacob himself, and he has had much of his power stripped from him. His own ally, his golem, has shown a child-like delight in Jacob's father and his puns, and has been abandoned as a failure. (And let me tell you, that was as big a surprise as any.)
Of the old guard, those heroes who fought the original Storm of Souls, only Rilian is left, and we do not know his plans. He could easily have joined the fight against Helixa, but instead he left Luna to die (but for the actions of Klo Tark). He could easily appear as villain, hero, or ancient source of needed knowledge, depending on what the story holds for him.
So then, where do we go from here, what paths do we take now that Frodo has returned from Mount Doom, maimed and weary of body and soul? Well, Frodo could at least walk unassisted, while I think Dominic's going to need his kid brother's crutch to get around. But in many ways the slate is blank. He may have increased knowledge (should he choose to use it, or even remember it after the trauma he's gone through) but is vulnerable in an entirely new way.
Despite Miranda Deegan's offer of a job to Luna, I doubt Dominic is going to want to stick around. Not for too long at least. But this is definitely a new beginning, for Dominic, for Luna, and for the readers. It's an opportunity to jump in without needing to have read everything before it, or to understand what came before.
Not bad, for three years of strips.
Robert A. Howard
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